On leaps and freedom

And taking a break

For quite some time, I have been feeling a pull.
A call.
A siren song beckoning me towards a treasure I struggled to find.

I like to think I am good at following the adventure.
Yet.
No matter what I did, I always felt as if there was a leap that still needed to be taken.
And no matter what I did, I could not figure out how to do that.

I think that is because every attempt I have made has taken place within this seemingly endless labyrinth of expectations, rules and shoulds, particularly around having a business.
Within those confines, I could only do so much.
Eventually, I would stop trying.
Feeling exhausted and uninspired.
Still hearing the song.
Still wanting something more.

I’ve spent time recently wondering what I want.
And the other day, an answer rose up with startling clarity.
I want a break.
Not so much from my work.
But from the labyrinth.
From the box.
From all the things I think I am supposed to do that keep me fully letting the sirens take me.

I want a break trying and struggling and rushing through just to get it done.
I want a break from maps that only lead me in circles.
I want a break because I want to break open.
Break away.
Break through.
I want to leap.

And so, I am going to be taking a break.
Again, not so much from actual work.
But from the larger paradigm of it all.

My projects and plans are being set aside.
I am letting go of the pressure.
The maps.
The box.

I want to go slowly.
Luxuriously so.
I want to listen deeply and do away with hesitation that has kept me far from the fire I am.
I want to give myself the freedom of showing up as much or as little as the moment calls for.
And in whatever way I desire.
Without these self-imposed rules I forgot I was even living under.

I want to be able to write to you whenever I want.
And say whatever there is to say.
Maybe you will hear from me everyday for weeks.
And then not at all for just as long.

I am equal parts excited and terrified.
I don’t want to fall into the ease of hiding.
Nor do I want to let the currents of old carry me just because they can.
I don’t want to fail.
I don’t want to do this in vain.
I don’t want to be unable to support myself.

This is my work in the world.
It is my business.
I don’t want to lose that…I don’t want to lose what I have created.
But without a break, I think I might.

In this break, I will be continuing with my one on one work, because that feels right.
Because it feels amazing.
And because there is something within that work that is ready to break open as well.
If you are interested, you can get more info here:
https://www.joannadane.com/session

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My plan is for this break to begin in earnest in September.
Though, it also begins now.
I will be taking 2 weeks off at the end of the summer.
Until then, I want to lean into this all.
See what needs my attention.
What needs my support.
My intention is to allow this break to last until March.
The container helps me unfasten myself from the ways that were.

I don’t know what happens after March.
I suppose I will find out.

It would have been easy for me to do this in the shadows.
To not say anything and simply begin.
But it would not have worked.
You knowing my intentions helps me give myself the permission I need to dive in fully.

I don’t want to hide.
I just want a break.
I am so very ready.
I recognize the privilege I have to be able to even contemplate this.
I want to use that privilege well.

I don’t know what will happen next.
I don’t know what I will do.
I don’t know what will take place.
And that feels amazing.

With love and fire~
Jo Anna