If only I could sum it up in a title...

Or a subtitle

A week or so ago, my boyfriend put this white board up at the edge of my lawn.
I kept thinking that, post hurricane, we still needed a point of connection.
Something tangible.
Something here.
A space to be seen.
To bear witness.
To hold ourselves open for another.
None of that easy.
But, I don’t know another way.
And so I thought this might be something in that direction…and my beloved made it happen.

I stepped outside this morning, after almost no sleep, feeling everything.
Feeling nothing.
But it wanted to change the prompt…as that is what I committed to doing.
And this is the only thing I could think to ask…
“How can you care for yourself, your people, your world?”

What I wrote on the board was short.
What I wanted to say was not quite as brief…

I am sad. I am angry. I am scared.
I am not hopeless.
Because I have seen what happens when people show up for people.
I have seen every day for the last month.
I have seen miracles unfold because of the depth of care present.
And I am changed because of that.
I will hold onto that knowing for the rest of my life.
I will do my best to honor that…and to be a person who shows up for our world.

I keep thinking about how I am here today because I have ancestors who walked through hell and high water over and over again.
They were held.
Helped.
By people who were brave.
People who fought.
Who vowed to keep others protected…and they did.
If that is what I have to do, I will do it.
Because it matters.
I matter.
You matter.
We all matter.
And the density of our presence is a weight I will carry with pleasure.

Things will likely get bad.
And we get to be good.
It is easy for me to harden.
To hate.
To hurt.
That is my first instinct.
But I will not let myself do that.
I will soften.
I will not hide my being behind walls and venom.
And I will not let the walls and venom of another stop me from seeing them.

I will not abandon love.
I will fight.
I will create.
I will protect.
I will serve.
I will use my privilege.
I will do my best.
I know you will too.

I am not willing to lose myself.
And I am not willing to lose you either.
There is a lot ahead of us.
We will meet it together.
We will find a way through.
We will find the other side.

I love you~
Jo Anna